Realising that even when the chips are down I want to build solutions.

 Today has got to be one of the worst days in a long time. I have actually fucked up on a major level. I missed my flight by 2 days - I didn't think to check when the flight was going to happen - I assumed that it was as my dear dear Linah had said - took it for granted really. At the counter I learn that the date of our flight - Ariko and I was 2 days prior. 

Make it worse I tried buying a ticket - the money went through - I'm so poor right now - this one hurt - and I think it will continue to hurt even if I do find a resolution. I should #1 not tried to go for the absolute cheapest option - I should not have used lastminute.com... their system messed me around - initially - it increased the price - I had clearly chosen not to include the bleeding extra money they were trying to get out of me. I want a ticket for 2 on Monday - very clear. But when I click pay - they had sneakily added it to the invoice. but fortunately the money didn't go through. But then second time - I do not know how in the hell this hapened - but the date is now for the bloody 17th of November - it's not even remotely close to the date I wanted. And there is nothing I can do - I have to wait for this thing to be processed.

I don't know what I can do - it makes me not trust myself - this has to be a me issue - and I'm just getting kicked in the nuts repeatedly. Makes me feel like I should shrink and not move. But Ourmoney.africa needs to get out of it's cocoon. That's the one good thing I've done today. Aside from not shrinking away from telling Linah. I know she is disappointed - I feel embarrassed 'coz my father in law has to play host unexpectedly and it's just not cool to come through unannounced late at night hat in hand - begging for shelter - not that I had to beg - he was as nice as ever - it's just shitty. I wish I was a better man. I should be able to book a hotel in Copenhagen 

I did manage to drink water today - I was drawing inspiration from YouTube University and some shark tank fella said something that made me perk up - when you wake up - note down 3 things that must be done today. Water should be on that list until I am the water drinking guy - thank you Linah for the water bottle in my favorite colour. 

Back to these guys and the ticket - I'm sure it's going to be a struggle to fix this. Not their fault - although - whatever the hell happened to being warned via google? That used to be a thing right? or was it even google? I don't know - there was no reminder - these things can be automated. I need to tell Turkish airlines that they need to make that a thing. I can't believe there is no recourse - It just doesn't feel right. 

another thing I need to get off my chest is since I took on the hairy audacious goal of starting a gold refinery - I have not been producing much of anything outside of wagging my chin. The diamond dealers license wasn't easy to attain - but I have missed the feeling I get when I produce something - it used to be art  - then it used to be cakes for the fundraising we did at church and then architectural drawings - but that skill set needs me to be armed with a strong hammer. I need to learn how to either raise money or bring considerable value to the table so I can get rewarded considerably. I'm certain the machine I'm building now will be that thing. I've slept maybe 2 hours since the incident last night but I'm a little bit proud of myself - that despite being kicked in the teeth by not having money or a realistic liquidity event on the horizon I'm still able to be ok enough to build this thing. I'm tattered - I forgot to mention - last night  - I tried to install Skanetraffiken - I eventually managed - but to no avail - the app just crashed 'coz of Huawei not being compatible - I do not know how to find the harmony playstore thingy - I'm not even sure they have a Huawei version - eventually bought it manually - see - another failure I should be savvy enough to be able to navigate this without it being a tumultuous thing. The icing on the cake must be told - that's your train by the helper people in the station and running onto a train - carry all our bags - 'coz Ariko is 6 and the bags are bigger than he is - so what - 3 luggage bags - we had the ability to take 4 and my laptop bag - which is packed to the hilt - we get onto the train - barely - and then at the end of it all - it takes me to the wrong destination. track back in the dead of night - it's raining I feel like the loser I can't escape from feeling but thank God Andreas was able to come to Ystad station to give me a bit of relief. Even explaining the situation is a mission - just not the way things are supposed to be. 

Mats doesn't speak English - I don't speak Swedish - I know some words thanks to Duolingo 1000+ day streak but I am clearly not a polygot - even though in my heart I know I can figure this ish out. Its not cute that after all these years of trying to learn I still suck. 
fuck - anyway - I'm annoyed - I'm sleep deprived - I'm desperate to do something important - and ourmoney is difficult to build. It's just hard as hell. So many pieces need to go into it. 

In short - I want a whatsapp ai - I'm basically making this for me - I need a AI CFO guiding me and my businesses. Had waveapps never chosen to ringfence their product to north america - this probably wouldn't be happening. Now I'm going to build this machine - that I'm hoping other business folk like myself will be able to use. Do your taxes - accounting and help guide us to a better Africa. 

I trust my instincts on this - we can't wait for the governments to make this continent borderless - we can enterprise our way out of this quagmire - I can't be the only one on the continent who feels like they are farting against thunder. It's just so bloody hard to win on the continent. We must save ourselves. This - I hope is the beginning of creating digital solutions. That is something I think I can do. I'm building everything to allow people to communicate what it is they actually want - perhaps even need. The feedback loop is everything. I'm just a guy who has figured out how to build a thing. lol - here I am thinking I have built a thing 'coz the backend is talking to the backend. I need to learn how to deploy. 

Once I figure out how to replace the wordpress site I have going I think I can then declare world watchout - we're going to build and build and build until we'e built our own versions of everything the continent needs to thrive - I'm going to find my tribe. I am scared of being in the public eye - the world is cruel - but fuck it! I'm not here to make you smile - I want to do a thing. That's all there is to it! Like a glass cup - I wish I could be as anonymous as the people who make those Nike shoes or cutlery - there is no name attached. I wonder if it would work to just build it and remain in the shadows. I just want to build a thing. I don't want to be front and center - I wonder why I'm getting this feeling. anyway - lets get back to it - I wanted to jot this down. I'm in my feels.

Oh - yeah - that's right - I was uncharacteristically emotional - when I saw that the date was moved - I jumped up and punched the wall. I've never done that before - Moment of weakness - I need to learn how to stay calm under pressure. 

I've once again gone back a few steps 
this thing is broken again. Like Ari says - Noooooooot agaaaaaaiiiin! lol back to work.